Txting

Remember when you thought text messages were ridiculously stupid? Finally, most of us had great deals on voice calls... some of us could even spend an unlimited time talking on the phone from anywhere in the country, to anywhere in the country, without paying anything extra.

But somehow people were paying to use a primitive technology!

Sure, when it started it was just the kids, and the kids are all hopped up on Mountain Dew and all-you-can-eat dessert pizza so you can't take their actions seriously, really. But then you heard warnings about "no text messaging while driving" and you said... what, that's the dumbest thing I ever heard, who texts anyway?

Then you got a texting plan. Suddenly you had already paid for 400,000 of them and you needed to use them up. And then you learned... I can text in a movie theatre, at a concert, at a club! I can tell someone I don't feel like talking to exactly what I want them to know and be done with it. It's totally transformed the "how long should I wait before I call her" issue... it doesn't matter, just text her late the next day and you're money. You don't seem pressed, you don't seem like a jerk, and you can practice your lines!

In the UK, texting was everywhere. You sent a text to get the DJ set times for the night at the club you were attending. You sent a text to get on the guest list. You sent a text to the MC so he could give a shout out to you and all your little friends who came all the way from Wales.

Have you started texting robots yet? Google? Facebook? Twitter?

I used to have one of those damned Smartphones, an early model. I thought it would be great, connecting to wifi networks to find information in a pinch, having my calendar with me all the time. Then it crashed, and the buttons broke, and I realized it just wasn't ready. I couldn't text fast enough using it!

Now I text Google to find businesses while I'm out... if you don't do this, you should (if nothing else, you should know how, you might need it). I text Google Calendar to add reminders to myself while seated on the john. I text Twitter to let people know what I'm up to, to see if they feel like tagging along or giving me advice. I could get all my Facebook updates via text, and reply to it to take action on the item. All of this doesn't increase the role of technology in my life, it actually decreases my use of computers, allowing me to perform the actions I need to be socially productive on the fly without having to plan things out ahead of time.

Do you remember that moment when you discovered predictive text... that funny little T9 on your screen? Hmmm... # ... A ... T9 ... WTF? Maybe you figured it out on your own (props to you!) or maybe someone told you about it. Wasn't that amazing! Who needs a full sized keyboard? Well yeah, then you send that typo where an entire word's been changed, and instead of saying "Beer Me!" you say "Adds of!" and your friends think you are a retard and you didn't proofread so you don't even know you are a retard. How about when the predictive text predicts the phrases you use often? The morning after a hard night on the town, you're trying to text someone and you completely balk at the phrases your phone tells you use often. "Am I that much of a vulgar hipster wannabe?"

Yes, you are. But so are all the people you're texting.